I couldn't imagine how difficult it can be for me to leave you. As the heart breaking feeling deeply hurts my heart. You may think the way i have chosen to be wasn't fair to you. In fact, I have no choice but letting go. I think I was lucky to find a man who can understand me as much as you do. I think I was lucky to fall in love with my best friend.
As I know I may have the other chance to find someone like you in the future. Perhaps you would know I could never find myself fall in love with someone else anymore. However, I am unlucky that I have born in the way where I am, I couldn't choose my way for living. As I know your life is so much easier than mine. I really thanks for your help since I met you, but being helped by someone wasn't really what I really wished to be.
Since I know you could have a so much better life without being with me. You may find a better self when not being with me. Every time when I was stand in front of you, I felt so much pressure. Since whatever I have done for you wasn't really the thing that you have hoped. You may not see how I could feel when I was stand in front of you. You have just let me feel that I was the one who made all the troubles for you when I wasn't. I couldn't understand why I looked so hopeless when I was in front of you. I am sorry that I couldn' tell you how I felt. We have been knowing each others for more than 3 years. However, being in a relationship with you wasn't making me understand you more than before. I used to think I could understand you as the way you could understand me, but I found I was so wrong.
I used to think you are an understanding person to me. However you haven't been understanding me since the day we have started our relationship. Being apart from you isn't the hardest thing for me, but being disconnected from you. I wish we couldn't have started to be together so we wouldn't have step into a place where we couldn't get back to the right place anymore.
The thing that I can't understand you the most was, how can you always get an excuse for yourself on the mistakes that you have made. You can always find a way to make yourself look better when you have made the mistake. You didn't like to make yourself look like a bad person when you know you have made some mistakes.
However, this was the worst way you can choose to be. You look even worse when you didn't truly admit to your mistake. I am sorry that you have being in the way you were when you have come to hong kong and china, but this wasn't the reason for you to blame your fault on me. You
have just given everyone and yourself the reason for why you have made your mistakes. You
haven't ever admitted to what you have done was inappropriate. You made every mistake reasonable to be made.
I am sorry to say all those when I couldn't have courage to tell you before since I know you wouldn't want to listen something like that. You could be so different in front of different people. And I could see that the one you have stood in front of me wasn't the right person could make you feel proud. You wish you could be a better person than that. Perhaps you was happy to be with me because you could be your true self when you were with me, so you didn't have to put your effort in acting a better person. Therefore, I decided to leave you so you can be a better person in your life, so I will not be the reason to let you down. I believe you can be happier and have a better life without including me in it. I wish you can find a girl who can make your life easier and feel better in the future. Perhaps I am not the person who can make you feel good, since I have being too straight forward when I was in front of you.
As you thought the way I have treated you didn't make you feel good, I am sorry for that and perhaps that's the sign that I am not the right person suppose. I wish you can find your right. However, I just want to tell you how much I love you. I didn't blame you for anything you have done wrong for me. I just let you know how was the way it can be better.
It is because I know you and I didn't really mind that. However, you have always push in the way you wish I can be. You blame me for all the things that I didn't do in the way you wish I could be. I know I am not a perfect person who always make mistakes. It is because I am not you, I can't be exactly the way you wish I could have been. I am not perfect for you, i am sorry. But I wish you can find the perfect one. Perhaps if you love me as much as how I have done things that precious you as the way you wish, then maybe I think you are just loving me as the as you love yourself. I am glad for it, if that's make me feel comfort.
I wish I could have know all these before. So we would not have started a step further which step was just like a reverse turning us back to an unknown person for each other. I wish I couldn't have met you so I don't have to be hurt as much as I am which is truly killing me. Since I love you much and i couldn't leave you in the way I am right now. As you may know how hurts can love be.
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