Time goes fast

Time goes fast, it's seems like I am still living in the past. No matter how calm and silence I have been..... Still my soul seems to be screaming out on every minute apart from my heart.

Day by day, life is being so meaningless to me. Sometimes I just wanna leave from where I am staying and going to somewhere else in stead.Especially on last night, when mum said something that hurt me. I thought it was all my problems to made her saying those things to me, until my brother came home and the same situation happened to him. When my brother shout out loud that " lucky I am leaving in few days! Or else how can I stand it if I am staying with you!!" I just realized I am sharing the same opinion with someone else. And thats what I wish I could say it out loud before, but I just kept in silence. Since I thought if I tried to fight back with my mum, it would have made things gone worse. However, sometimes I just wish I could walk away from this place and go somewhere else to do something I really want to. In fact, thats not something I couldn't do, but I just don't wanna make her feel bad.

Sometimes I know my dad was being bad to my mum, still I think my mum has to take her own responsibilities too. I can understand how hard she has been over these years, but thats not what she has to. Its just all because of how she has chosen to let things be in such way.

I have chosen to keep silence and didn't fight back. In fact, I couldn't find anyway to express my emotions but cry out in the shower. I could understand how unfair to my mum but has she ever thought of how unfair it could be to me?? Sorry for saying so. But thats what I really wish I could say out loud to her.........

Though I am telling everyone that I am fine on everyday of my life, indeed I can tell how damn it is for me to stay normal.....I wish I could be somewhere else and live for my own life...........Can anyone really understand me?????