I wish I could be like the other Girls who can argue with the others

I wish I am that kind of girl who could argue to the others, so I could argue with my boyfriend before we got to the stage that we couldn't fix, I just realize my personality can lead to the end of every one of my relationship. I just kept all my feelings in my heart and never have expressed it in a proper way, especially the I love. It is because I am afraid to make him feel bad if i tell him. However, I just kept everything in my heart until the stage that I couldn't have afforded it. So I just damaged everyone of my relationship by damaging myself. I hate to be like I have been. I hate to damage everything in my life. I hate myself so much that I hate to exits in front of anyone. I hope I could be someone else.